Tag Archives: poop

Ms. Low Flow and the Escape Poo

23 Aug

Lets be clear, I’m not a fiction writer.  However, I am a professional, even when we need to get real with our body parts, fluids, and functions.  Try not to recoil, its impolite.

So let me tell you a story.  Ms. Low Flow is our environmentally friendly excrement relocater has always been kind, but not always effective in her duties.  Though a sweet bubbling lady, she has many enemies in the office. Some of these enemies are my unknowing co-works who are waging war on poor Ms. Low Flow.  But her greatest challenge has been Escape Poo.  The Escape Poo is always just barely lurking below the surface, often just beyond one’s range of visions.  He is determined if anything to remain above ground.  Ms. Low Flow does her best to quietly and discretely sweep him into the undercurrent, but without help from the unknowing staff, it is a downhill battle.

The absent minded staff inevitably allow the Escape Poo to resurface, simply by not holding the handle down long enough.  Ms. Low Flow can only do her part if you do yours.

So dear friends,

In the office, park, or public restroom, and even at home.  Remember our good environmental friendly machines can’t do their job effectively if we don’t participate.  Hold down the handle and save your spouse from encountering the

ESCAPE POO!

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Cheap Tricks #2 Doggie Bags

25 Feb

Living in the city is a little different than the suburbs or in the country.  The neighborhoods are tightly constructed to pack in as many people as possible.  Some with tiny yards and left to our imaginations on how we will effectively fit everything.  In the city, everyone has a companion (or at least most).  Dog, cat, squawking bird.  I fortunately have an Alarm Dog.  Barks a lot when something or someone is around the property.  Unfortunately, she costs me a pretty penny when it comes to health, food, and doggie bags.

Doggie bags?  For those who aren’t formally introduced to poo on the sidewalk, doggie bags are thin, sometimes solid colored bags, invented to pick up dog crap.  They also cost to be pretty, pink, and smell like chemical “flowers”.  In the way of being cheap (or frugal) I collect newspaper bags.  Thin, often clear bags remarkably similar to doggie bags.  My grandmother, Peggy has a whole basement collection.  I usually siphon off of her pile.  It helps her help me.

If you don’t get the newspaper and there are no other folks collecting the tiny bags, consider using your standard grocery bag.  Its not as pretty but just as functional.

Cheap Tricks #1

19 Jan

You know those things you do because your low on cash?  Sometimes its penny pinching or just being a little extra frugal.  And sometimes its the nitty gritty things you do to get by.  Lets talk about those real things we do.

 

Cheap Trick #1: Use your office bathroom.

There is nothing more $ consuming that paper products.  (Most ladies pick up on this fast for due reason).  However, toilet paper takes a serious toll, especially for the number 2’s.  The best way to combat this?  Use the office restroom and use liberally.

If you are skilled and timed enough (harder than one may think) you can gear yourself up for a 9 am or 10 am bathroom break.  Grab a cup or coffee or much a way on some high fiber shredded wheat right before work and you can create the opening of the flood gates.  Just don’t get caught in traffic.