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Plug me in, I want to be a robo Barbie.

7 Oct

I’m an advocate for connectivity and shared information.  There is nothing I hate more than repeating something over and over to get the same result.  (See dictionary for: insanity).

I’m also have a long time ethical standard for personal privacy. You might know my mantra of “no evidence”. I feel like a life of crime syndication would have been a great career choice.  I could still work for some of the biggest crime bosses in the world, the government! My jest via the open air internet has gotten me blacklisted before.  The number of physical pat-downs (aka the tax-payer hugs) that I’ve received at the airport has reached a  comical level.

I discovered how well connected I was with the world outside of my regularly frequented bureaucratic structures.  I was taking a client out to a fabulous breakfast at Cafe Renata and needed to keep the receipt.  Little strips of unreadable of paper usually find they way to the bottom of my purse or simply make it to the trash without thought.  Having a emailed copy, or better yet filing through my Expensify account tracks all of my financial moves and keeps me connected.  Who else likes being organized?

The  “square” does. A little swipe device that you can attach to your iphone to take credit cards. Super cute and small, its a real creeper.  When I went to ask for the receipt the clerk smiled said she already sent it to my account.  What account?  Little “square” has been tracking me all over town.  Cute and creepy “square”.

I also track how much “rest” I’m getting.  The shear evidence being collected on me though my sleep cycle is terrifying. While testing a new sleep app Sleeptime, I was fiddling around past mid-night, always chipping away at the hours, to log into some silly thing that will track my zzzzz’s.

I signed in with Facebook because at least it’s easy and now Facebook can track my sleep patterns. Mmmmm I feel the pressure of the Surrogates.  Soon, Facebook will know so much about me they can create me a life sized robot barbie!

What the sleep app did was to trigger an email to me address, so when I woke up it was already recapping my pattern.  I can’t wait until I’m robbed during my deep sleep cycle!

Today the gravity of how interconnected finally hit while in the deep haze of the morning commute.  My laziness coupled with the epic effort it takes to arrive at 30th St. Station for the long-ass train ride north, leaves me exasperated.

I don’t like to try to begin with so if I could expend less effort that would be great.

I was left with whopping 5 minutes to purchase my “monthly passes”.  Dazed and totally blanking on how ticket kiosks work I just desperately plugged my card into the NJ transit machine.  Without any instruction the screen shifted from a series of unnavigable questions to entra tarjeta and lit up with pass for Trenton Transportation Center to Princeton monthly, at $169.

I pushed yes about 10 times like a game show.  Even the little NJ transit boxes know my name. I’m a commuter super star!  And NJ transit is killin’ it!

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I Hate Spring

10 Jun

It makes me want to fuck like a rabbit.  These pollens make me stupid and what I “need” is a Greek tragedy to get over myself.  Where art thou Romeo?  I’ve got some nightshade and teen angst to kill.  So, I do the best to protect my total idiocy.  I put stop gaps in my behavior, reminders to check myself.  Is this me or Mother Nature?

I can curb my carnal instincts (someone punch me before I hurt myself). Although these recent articles beg for the realization that I might just be on point.

But not street dudes, harping around like a bunch of birds in heat.  I feel like I’ve stepped into Discovery’s Plant Earth segment about mating calls.  I hear you baby, cat calling, sidewalk hustling, lip smacking.  Aren’t there rules for this?

You know what will really win me over? Serenade me at midnight while I walk down a dark street. Slide your hand along my ass as you inappropriately linger too long in the trolley car.  Aggressively scream that you’ll steal me from my roommate who you’ve assumed is my boyfriend. 

Don’t get me wrong.  There are unbelievably awkward moments that result in successful relationships. Like the Fu Wah guy’s sister, for instance, was followed by an Eagles player that came into her restaurant and bought her flowers on the daily.  Maybe if he wasn’t a popular sports figure, we would think this was creepy.

I still think its creepy.  But I also think cute Asian chicks have their own personal seduction hell.

This is all to say how excited I am about Hollaback Philly!  They did some work in my hood and are headed to be a panel at the Trans-Health Conference this weekend.

 

 

Yo, white girl, you a 10!

Thanks, I wonder what a full 100 looks like?

Ms. Low Flow and the Escape Poo

23 Aug

Lets be clear, I’m not a fiction writer.  However, I am a professional, even when we need to get real with our body parts, fluids, and functions.  Try not to recoil, its impolite.

So let me tell you a story.  Ms. Low Flow is our environmentally friendly excrement relocater has always been kind, but not always effective in her duties.  Though a sweet bubbling lady, she has many enemies in the office. Some of these enemies are my unknowing co-works who are waging war on poor Ms. Low Flow.  But her greatest challenge has been Escape Poo.  The Escape Poo is always just barely lurking below the surface, often just beyond one’s range of visions.  He is determined if anything to remain above ground.  Ms. Low Flow does her best to quietly and discretely sweep him into the undercurrent, but without help from the unknowing staff, it is a downhill battle.

The absent minded staff inevitably allow the Escape Poo to resurface, simply by not holding the handle down long enough.  Ms. Low Flow can only do her part if you do yours.

So dear friends,

In the office, park, or public restroom, and even at home.  Remember our good environmental friendly machines can’t do their job effectively if we don’t participate.  Hold down the handle and save your spouse from encountering the

ESCAPE POO!

I’m sorry, all my checks say 2011!

2 Feb

I’ve finally hit the end of my epic travel fall.  Snatch up a new house on a new block and headed out to RENO.  Which by the way makes the top 50 places to live, barely.  But so do most of the cities in North Carolina.  Gee wiz.  Philly doesn’t even crack the count.   So check out your future!

I recently checked out ARCgis programming.  An urban mapping device.  So neat and so much information, but not really what I need.  You can have a 60 day trial and tons of tutorials if your interested!

This January we also hired the new Friends Association for Higher Education Coordinator, Kimberly Haas!  Great news!  I also had a chance to use a conference interfacing program called GotoMeeting.  Video chat, call in phone conference and the ability to record it all and share with folks unable to attend the meeting.  Plus you can score some cool screen sharing and bump it up to webinar status if you want.

Can you see the geek in me drool?

I’m also on the job hunt, which has got me salivating over all sorts of options.  From cool places to work, to programs I would keel over to work for.  I’ve been picking up hot and heavy skill sets.  Next stop?  Grant writing!

PAFA Cafe

12 Dec

I grab my hot cup o’ joe when I can.  Stuffed away in an office on the long streets of Philadelphia, I’ve found a neat hidden surprise in the old Pennsylvania Academy of Fine Arts.   Not only a great place to clear your head or take a break among beautiful art, you can grab a good lunch and some coffee in their side cafe.

 

So take a break, grab a real lunch and enjoy your time with PAFA!

First They Came…

23 Nov

I am often quiet in the midst of many changing things.  I have observed the uprisings of the Occupy movement in every state.  I’ve witnessed my home of Centre Country be rocked by sex scandal and lack of leadership and have seen the community struggle to pull itself together.   I have said little in the way of either.  I have watched a middle aged women tell her aging mother that the Occupy Moment is just folks complaining about the rich.  And when her mother asked if this was happening world wide, she said no.  She must not have seen the 300,000 people in Madrid Spain, or the oust of political leaders in Rome Italy, or the streets of London.  She must not have been watching.  She must have simply been consumed by her own mundane life.

But I said nothing to her elderly mother.  I did not tell her assessment was right.  Yes, there is something going on in the world.  And I thought about this quote from Niemöller:

First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out —
Because I was not a Socialist.

Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out —
Because I was not a Trade Unionist.

Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out —
Because I was not a Jew.

Then they came for me — and there was no one left to speak for me.

So, I share this.  Someone from my community, who was a graduate student from Penn State when I first met him:

Do a Job Anywhere: FAHE Coordinator (PT)

8 Nov

Take a moment and think.  To be able to do to a job anywhere? That is what Friends Association for Higher Education is offering.  Its part time 17-20 hours of work a week with excellent pay and benefits. See if this fits you!

Friends Association for Higher Education seeks an administrative coordinator. The responsibilities include managing FAHE’s communications, financial records, serving as registrar for its annual conference, and coordinating the work of its committees.   A job description is at available from the address below or located here: Friends Association for Higher Education Coordinator .  The work would be 17-20 hours per week with time use flexible.  Salary is in the range of $18-20 k.  A benefits package is available.  Applications with resume should be sent to gary.farlow@wright.edu.  Inquires may be sent to the same address.

Check out FAHE’s website: http://legacy.earlham.edu/~fahe/

The Job Bank

17 Oct

In the last few weeks I’ve had a number of my friends ask, “how do you know about all of this?”  From where to live, what gets you a cheap meal, and where we can find jobs to meet our crushing student loan debt (Occupy Together) , I’ve got my information antlers on….or something.

I’ve been knee deep in the job bank here in Philly.  Job banks crop up all over, but the Philadelphia Cultural Alliance has some of the big players in this city.  Really great volunteer opportunities, part-time work, and full-time employment all just waiting for you to grab a hold of.  So spark up your resume and get your lightly used suit on for your next interview!

Secret Stash

15 Sep

We’re all hiding something.  Little baggies of of illegal drugs wrapped up like an engagement ring, your best friends pair of booty shorts, or the reason you have that black eye.  But there is nothing like hiding a period on an airplane.

Somewhere between Boston and Florida you realize the crimson tide has taken hold and you have a few moments before your neighbor gets carried away in a river.  Seat belt sign still on, you can dash for the toilet door (illegal, but who gives a shit when nature is doing its thing), and make a rat hold escape. 

During a recent flight, I came to this particular impasse.  Trapped in the airplane toilet, flushed with embarrassment, searching for anything that could save me.  And to my surprise I found the secret lady drawer.  Right there full of all the (cheap) feminine products I could need.   Relieved after my find, I enjoyed the rest of my flight.

No one makes an announcement on the flight about this “extra” comforts.

Remember your closest exit may be behind you.  Please secure your oxygen device before helping someone else.  Additional feminine products can be found in our restrooms.  Complimentary soft drinks will be available on this flight.

“I am necessary”

4 Aug

Congratulations to my friend Nick (whom i especially celebrate) for making to the front page of the Cherry Hill Courier -Post.  The article covers how important it is for children to master the psychology of self-esteem as a way to promote better healthier athleticism.

A big congrats to Jacob Stewart and and Krista Miller on their engagement.  Its been a long time and they hiked the A.T. together…it was meant to be.

Last but not least a big thank you and congratulations to the ladies from Cloud 9 Philly Rooftop farm.  They met the funding goal and then some.  Plus I’m psyched about a new t-shirt hand printed by Clare herself!