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Time Passes

12 May

There is nothing you will read here that isn’t at least 2 years old.  A few new edits and few moves, but everything feels a bit dusty, slow, and left behind.

This is what failure looks like.

It feels like drowning without knowing you can’t swim.  Doing your 100% in the wrong direction. This is 3 years of being totally consumed by things other than myself. By my work, by the interests of others, by energy poured into another with no return.  Sounds bleak.

But where would I be without my crass humor?  My ability to be in the most dysfunctional situation and find beauty.  Bleak is a literal exposure to the elements, likening its softer existence to being windswept.  I am windswept. I’m stormswept with levees to break.

Change isn’t a warm, comforting feeling, like a down blanket on a cold winters night.  Its a gut wrenching jolt into the cold waters of reality, where I find myself wriggling in the bitter chill, gasping for air.  Because I can’t breathe when I’m drowning, no matter how much I dream for the sun.  

Not every neighborhood is meant to be rebuilt.

I started reading again.  I believe there will be a lot of “agains”.

“The ‘Brilliant Masses’ are composed of nothing less than the many great people of our generation, the bright, the talented, the intelligent, and resourceful– far too many of whom are operating at a quarter-speed, unsure of their place in the world, contributing far too little to the productive engine of modern civilization…all feeling like they haven’t come close to living up to their potential… Being guided by the heart is almost never something an intellectually motivated person chooses to do.  Its something that happens to them–usually something painful.” – What should I do with My Life? by Po Bronson

Let’s not wait.

Let’s get dangerous.

Let’s make champions.